erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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