Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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