Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
