she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
there is puke in my bra ... again
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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