I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
