why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
