he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
