they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
