guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
