Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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