dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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