dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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