??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
