I looked at my own cervix.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
