My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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