I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
