After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Someone shattered a urinal.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
