me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
