You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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