There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
