are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
