Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
