Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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