I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
