Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
