You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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