I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
