I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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