is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
