So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
