i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
