If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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