My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
i've created a new STD.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
