pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
