Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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