My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
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