I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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