It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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