I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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