we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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