I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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