Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize