Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
