I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
