Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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