Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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