you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
