The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
