Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
it's like heaven, but drunker
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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