my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
