I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
