i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
