Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
