how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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