i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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