Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
