I didn't shave. On purpose
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
