Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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