i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
