You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
