My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize