Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
