4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
