I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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