I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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