in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
