two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
That accounts for only three of the penises
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
