We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
