Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Randomize
