Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
